Camping...

This weekend we went camping. It was sort of a disaster. I don't want to go into a rant about all the things that made it horrible but I do have some theory's. First and far most I think my expectations for the kids was unfair. It was hot and dusty so unlike being in the comfort of my own home I had little to no interest in entertaining them. The second being that I don't think we picked a good camp ground for our group of campers. If we had no children, or maybe just the six year old, it might have worked out okay, but we are not childless! Lastly, I'm pregnant! I think up to about two weeks ago I would have had a much different trip. Lately I have gotten...grumpy :( This did not suddenly disappear when we added heat, dust, and bees.

We left mid day on Friday for what should be a three and a half, maybe four hour car ride. It turned into something like six. I must say that I do love that drive though. Saturday was a day I would like to forget...for the most part because of my behavior. We did get to swim a little and it felt so wonderful to be in the water. Sunday was really a great day. I even had some "messy" events that would have normally sent me over the edge, but I had been so disappointed with how the whole trip was turning out that I was really determined to salvage whatever was left and keep the good mood rolling. Really what can be too upsetting when your swimming and floating on a lake???

We got home super late after a car ride that was slightly intense due to sleepiness and put everyone to bed. This morning I started the week long process of laundry!!! But on the way home I was able to digest a little about the trip and what exactly had made it go so down hill. Wile I don't think there was one single contributor to the failure, I did notice that Sunday went remarkably better then Saturday. I think this might be due to how the mornings started off. Saturday was so chaotic. We made breakfast and the bees went crazy. It was stressful and no one got to eat very well. On Sunday we had purchased a canopy tent to put over a table. The bees where out of our way, everyone was able to eat and enjoy. The day went much better when the morning had been smoother. This led me to to really focus on trying to get up in the morning before my family. I know from every source that I have read about being a christian, wife, mother, all my books on praying, organizing, and parenting all say get up in the morning before your family so you can have quiet time and give God your first moments of the day. Knowing is not always doing! I am not a morning person. I prefer to be up at night. I have made a new commitment to getting up early to have some time in the Word and pray, then sit and read some of the blogs I enjoy wile having my coffee. Then when my husband and kids get up I can focus my mind on them and starting their morning off right.

I got up this morning and had my time. I would say the day went really well. I am glad to have some experience to go along with the knowledge of how to get my family to run efficiently. I do enjoy them, even if it's something I have to remind myself in a time of hormonal craziness! I like my family, and if I'm out of control then they are too and no one needs a mom like that!

Who Knew I Liked Being Pregnant?

My  journey into motherhood through pregnancy has been back and forth. There is nothing quite like your first! Oh the excitement, anticipation, and planning. Even when you have experience with babies you don't really know what it will be like to have your own. Pregnancy was not exactly what I thought it was going to be like. My Mom has three girls, all seven years apart from the next. I'm the oldest so I remember her pregnant with my closest sister when I was seven, then even better with my youngest sister when I was fourteen. She was this small little lady with a huge baby belly. She got stretch marks, but was all fit and tone. She could ware those little stretch pants and form fitting tops that show off the roundness of her growing baby. She wattled around and soaked in all the attention, beaming. Pregnancy did not hit me the same way!
I don't have the same "frame" as my small 100lb mother. When I hit 20weeks with my first pregnancy and wasn't showing yet I was frustrated! I wanted everyone to see that I was expecting. As I did begin to "show" the excess weight I had in the midriff area didn't fall flat and away from my belly like I had envisioned, but grew with my belly making me look more like a trucker. To top it off I got horrible stretch marks over the flabby fat surrounding my not round or cute belly. I was cranky, tired, and felt very emotional. The baby sat on my back giving me shooting pains when I walked or sat, and wedged herself up under my ribs. This whole pregnancy thing was not what I had thought it would be like.
With Alexandre I had a similar experience, yet in all it's own ways different. I was still tired and cranky, but now I also had a 1 year old to take care of. He was not in my back or up high, but not low ether. I showed sooner with him and made the transfer from a OBGYN and a hospital, to a Midwife and a birth center. I learned so much more about pregnancy and childbirth. After he was born I experience postpartum mood disorder, the newest nice name for massive hormonal depression. We were done having kids!
When Alexandre was nine months old I found out I was pregnant again, already seven or so weeks. This was not good timing, and wile I was excited to have another baby, I was really scared. To add to the emotional shock of having a third baby so soon my "mood disorder" came back in full force. I fought depression through my whole pregnancy. My perception of my children, my life, my body where all wrong. When Alexandre turned one his sweet little personality turned crazy. He was into everything on purpose and we couldn't keep him calm. Going to the grocery store with a two year old, a crazy one year old, and an obvious pregnant belly did not get me nice approving smiles. The horrible comments started. "Wow, you have got your hands full there!" "Are you sure your ready for another one?" "I'm sure your done now right?" I will say that it was nice to finally get the big belly that I had always envisioned went with pregnancy. It also came with a 10lb baby!!!
After Liam was born we knew we where totally done having children. As Liam got older we noticed something, or someone, missing. He was a Joyous baby. Laughing, smiling, and making funny faces. We would get all piled up next to the door about to leave when Filipe and I would look around for who was missing. We could get everyone buckled into the car and felt like we forgot something, or someone, in the house. Even his parents mentioned meekly one day that it was as if someone was not here who was supposed to be. We began to pray about who was missing in our family.
It was after these prayers that God led us to place not just the next child, but any future children into his hands. This was a gradual process that was so scary that I really didn't think it was going to happen. I agreed with the theology and logic of giving up control of your life to God, but didn't know if I had the faith to take the necessary steps to live that out. I also didn't know if my husband would ever be on the same page.
God began the work in both our hearts by changing how we viewed the children we already had. I began to see how lowly the status of children where in others eyes. I began to treat my children, and my time with them, differently. I saw a change happen not only in my heart, but their hearts, and the heart of my husband. Granted they are still small children. We still struggle with obedience and attentiveness, but my parenting had changed from a duty or a stage I have to get through, to a calling and a Joy. I have also noticed a change in how I am wile pregnant.
I am currently 26 weeks pregnant. The first trimester was hard as usual. I was tired, cranky, and miserable. I was working at Starbucks from 4am-8am three to four days a week. When severe anemia set in I couldn't do it anymore. I had to quit my job. Once into my second trimester I started to experience something different. I still felt tired, and drained from the anemia, I have a huge belly and didn't even make it to twelve weeks before having to switch to maternity clothes, I had cramping and hard braxton hix, and pain in my ligaments from the weight of my growing belly. Yet I was enjoying this pregnancy more then any others. I am happy, excited, and joyous. Not that I wasn't happy before, but there is an element of cherishing this time I am having wile being pregnant.
I am still getting comments. Last Sunday wile walking into church with my family another family we knew passed us and the Husband shook his head at me, with a smile, and said "You're crazy!" If any of us had time to stop at that point I would have responded "No, we are obedient!" My faith has stepped in to take the place of fear. I am able to fully enjoy the blessing God has given us because I know that it is exactly that, a blessing. I feel as if it is similar to the command to tithe. It is so hard to open your hand, and have the faith that God will provide for you when you obey his command to give him the trust of your provision. Once you start to hand him control of your finances, you almost cant wait to drop that money in the basket. It is an act of worship. That is how I feel about this pregnancy. It is an act of worship. I can't wait till the next.
It had not donned on me how I had changed until talking with Nikki. She too has a hard time being pregnant, but has gone through similar heart changes since her last was born. Wile talking with her I made the revelation that I had found this pregnancy to be so Joyous, but also my physical hardest. She said "I would have never thought that this pregnancy had been hard for you. You never talk about it that way". I wonder if she was to get pregnant again how her act of worship would effect how she felt during the process.

I am so thankful for this baby God has created in me. I pray for his provision, peace, and joy throughout this baby's life. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us!



26 Weeks



Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank)

This is an amazing post about how our society views children. It reminds me that I want my children to know where they rank in our family. I hope that we can be an example to other families around us as to the joy that our children are, and a gift to bless us from our heavenly father!
Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank)

That Was Two Weeks???

I did fairly well, for those three days! Ha! It has already been two weeks since my last post, and what a two weeks it has been. We did family portraits with my husbands two brothers, their families, and his parents. We cleaned, started our first year of homeschooling, embraced our friends as they received life changing news, and rejoiced with other friends who welcomed their first gift from God. Whew! We also decide to move the birth of our fourth out of the birth center and into our home! More details on that later. This last month has flown by, yet I have cherished it more then any other I have had as a parent. My kids are awesome! I really like them! It sounds funny because of course I should like my kids. I think most people assume that about their own children. I think the reality is more that we love our children like we love our pestering little brother. They are family, so we really only tolerate them. The signs that children are a burden more then a joy are all around us. It is acceptable to make a comment like "Your not having any more are you?" to a perfect stranger, like they are smoking a cigarette, but it would still be considered rude to say that to someone over weight who is enjoying a meal in a public place. Our children have the status of cigarettes!!! I'm not saying my children are without the need for some character development, but they are children, not some toxin in the air polluting our planet. I have found myself reading more about God centered families, how they live, and the blessing they have received by living for Him and not for the world. I have shut off the TV and started to center my time around serving my family, not serving myself or the perceptions of others. The change I have seen in these last few weeks are AMAZING! My kids are playing together, keeping their rooms picked up and beds made, they are doing chores, serving each other, and just so slightly starting to be manageable at the store. I have gotten so much done around the house. I can clean out rooms, drawers, and cupboards, make meals, and even spend a little time reading. I have even seen my husband change. The atmosphere in our home has gone from tense to fun. Instead of being tired and irritated by the noise and disobedience of the children, we are both enjoying their company (for the most part). We still have a lot to work on. I have very obvious character issues with my young children that needs to be worked on immediately! I still need to finish my schedule and stick to it. I have a bathroom full of boxes that need to be sorted and moved, and a garage that needs to be cleaned out and reordered. It may be the nesting, but I can feel the need to utilize this wonderful space that God has given us, and make it functional for our growing family. We are taking it one day at a time...or sometimes two weeks.

The Parable of the Lost Shoe

My daughter is the first born. She is also the first grandchild on both sides. She is also the only grand daughter and, for my in-laws, the only girl at all. My husband is the middle of three boys so you can only imagine the amount of dresses and shoes this princess has. Teaching her appreciation has been something we have to intentionally work on. In our back yard we have rail way ties that block off our lawn from the down grade hill that is wooded. Right behind one of the ties is a large dirt pit. The kids love to dig, and fill, and cover themselves in it all the time. Most days they come back missing various articles of clothing, most commonly shoes and socks which I try to stay on top of. It doesn't always happen. Laila had just got a new pair of pink Crocks from my Mother-in-law when I had to make a routine trip out to the dirt pit to check for clothing left behind. I found one Crock. Today I instructed Laila to put play shoes on and go out to find her missing Crock. She huffed and puffed and said, "It's too hard mom. It's just lost. I can't find it." (Because I know how well threatening works *sarcasm*) I replied, "Well then Ill just throw that one away since you don't want to find the other one!" She looked me strait in the face and said, "Okay Mom, that's fine. You can throw it away." *Backfire* She received a time out in her room wile I contemplated what my next move would be.
When she came out I explained to her about gifts, and how they are precious because it means someone else was thinking of us and wanted to make us happy. I also explained appreciation for the thing that we have, and if she was unwilling to put the effort into finding her lost shoe that I would have to take away the excess amount of shoes she had leaving only a pair for playing, and a pair for going out. (She has several beloved pairs including sparkles and bows) She looked at me in hopelessness and said, "Mom, I just don't know how to find it." I understand her struggle. She often has a hard time looking for misplaced objects. I tried to take this as an opportunity to teach her the process of finding something. I asked her where she remembered having her shoes last. After a long detailed story she told me the dirt pit. I explained that if she remembered having them in the dirt pit she should look all around it and see where it might hiding out of sight. I told her if she was to put good effort into finding the lost shoe, and found it, we would have a party to celebrate. She lit up. "With cake?" I said no, I cant make a cake, but we will celebrate and call your Vovo to tell her we found your missing shoe and she will celebrate with us. Needless to say she found the shoe. She was so excited. We all jumped up and down and hugged her and sang.
At lunch I read the kids the parable of the lost coin. Laila immediately saw the connection between the woman who found her coin and celebrated, and herself who had found her lost shoe. I talked about how God will find us when we are lost, although I don't quite think she understood. After dinner we baked cookies and congratulated her on finding her lost pink Crock. I wonder if they will remember this day, and the excitement over finding something you thought was gone forever.

A Lesson in Serving Others

Recently my children have acquired a preference to what color plate they want their food to be served on. We have a rainbow selection of several different kinds of plastic plates. "I want blue!", "No, I get the blue one!" fills the table at every meal. We have matching bowls that have different characters at the bottom and they started asking me for a specific character AFTER I had poured the milk into the cereal. Seriously???
My girlfriend talked with me the other day about how she frequently talkers with her kids about serving God by serving each other. *Idea*... I started plating their food, placing it on the counter, then calling them to eat by saying "please grab a plate (or bowl) for someone else". They love it!!! I have not heard one complaint about what plate, or bowl, someone got. No one is mad that someone else got a bigger strawberry then them. They are all so excited to give the plate to someone else then rush to their spot to see what they got.
My six year old daughter asked me the other afternoon at lunch why they had to give someone else a plate. I told her that we serve God by serving each other. This phrase is in preparation for writing lines later as a character development tool. ;)
Sadly I have noticed that in their excitement to serve each other no one ever grabs my plate :( but I wont be picky about who they are serving. In my mommy heart I do hope soon someone will notice my lonely plate sitting on the counter and choose to serve me too.

Schedule: Day 1

I tried my hand at a schedule this morning. Worked wonderfully! I felt in control of my kids, and was not pulled in five different directions trying to accomplish them all at the same time. I got up and had quiet time before anyone else was awake. A feat I have been praying about for almost my entire Christian life. I got to listen to a sermon, and take notes, and found some wonderful passages to meditate on. We played at a friends house for two hours and left at an appropriate time, not when everyone was melting down. When we got home the boys had quiet reading time wile Laila and I made lunch. That's right, I said that my two and four year old boys read quietly by themselves wile Laila and I made lunch. During lunch I sat with the kids and we memorized the seven days of creation. I wasn't making phone calls, trying to clean, or accomplish anything else wile they where at the table. I wasn't yelling at them to stay seated, be quiet, and finish eating. After everyone was finished we washed up, then cleaned the kitchen and table. I had fifteen minuets of reading with them before nap time, which they loved! I sent Laila to her room to do thirty minuets of quiet reading time and had planned on sitting with the boys for at least that time so they would fall asleep. They where asleep in twelve minuets!!!! Hallelujah! I am now enjoying my computer time.
Today is like a whole new life. I know that it will not always run this smooth, and I know we have character development to work on that will not change over night, but to go from the Mom yesterday who was frazzled and hopeless to a Mom who is in control and accomplishing results is a great feeling.
Now to finish my schedule and continue on this new path of redirection...